


and i'll spit fire

by orphan_account



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, Loss of Feelings, M/M, Memory Loss, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-02-09 10:43:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12886179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: tw for blood, some death, and memory loss-The cursor blinks expectantly at the top of the page at the search bar.SEARCH: throwing up flowers and bloodThe wikipedia article catches his eye.Wikipedia:The Hanahaki Disease is an illness generated by unrequited love, where the victim *throws up flower petals*. The flowers can be extracted through surgery, but the feelings of love are removed along with the disease.SEARCH: hanahaki diseaseOn the right hand side of the page, he sees the Google illness illustration. There's a drawing of a girl in front of a mirror, with blood and petals in the sink. Then, below it, it states, "A rare infection of the lungs. Less than 50,000 cases a year worldwide. Cannot spread through person. Critical case - consult a doctor. Medical care can cure."Cyrus is screwed. So, so, screwed.ORCyrus just can't get over Jonah.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Taste of Dirt](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9663425) by [Val_Creative](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Val_Creative/pseuds/Val_Creative). 



> hahah i made this really short one-shot even though i should be working on my harry potter au i have no motivation
> 
> the title is from Borderline - Tove Styrke.

Cyrus doesn't know how he got to this point, how he's ended up lying on the floor with a seemingly endless collection of petals piling up on the ground, his chest contracting with every breath, refusing to work properly. He's only vaguely aware of Andi screaming above him, Buffy shaking him frantically, and someone calling the ambulance. The edges of his vision darken, everything looking like a picture taken with a toy camera. The last thing he sees are hazel-blue eyes.  _Jonah._

_-_

It was just a tickle at first, a little brush at the back of his throat whenever he sees Jonah's dimples. Cyrus assumes he's sick, there's always _some_ strand of the flu going around in winter. He really only thinks it might something worse a few days later, after the Space Otters party.

Jonah is talking to Andi, a faint pink blush dusting his face. They're embracing, and Jonah smiles  _that_ smile at Andi, the one that makes Cyrus' knees go weak, the one he thought was reserved for him.

He feels a cough coming on, and when he gives in, there's something on his tongue. He picks it off. A single white petal with a single brown stripe down the middle.

"Hey, Cyrus?" Buffy says, "Are you okay?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah," he replies, hoping that Buffy can't see through his lie. Buffy shoots him a look and opens her mouth, but Andi walks through the door at the exact time.

Buffy and Andi embrace and dissolve into banter, and for once, Cyrus is glad that they forgot him.

-

It only gets worse from then on. Every time Jonah brushes Cyrus' hair out of his eyes or compliments him, he can feel the flowers rising up his throat steadily like bile, but he swallows it back. Deep down, he knows he has no chance, that in the end, Jonah would always end up with Andi. But he still clings on to the sliver of hope that maybe someday, Jonah would reciprocate his feelings. That sliver of hope that Cyrus knows, just knows, will be the end of him, that would ultimately hurt the most when it's crushed. Ignoring these thoughts, he texts Buffy to meet him at the Spoon.

When she arrives, Cyrus immediately starts talking.

"Buffy, you know how I came out to you a few weeks ago?"

"Yes," Buffy replies cautiously.

"I think I may have a problem."

Then he spills and tells her about all the flowers that he's been throwing up, and how he thinks it might be getting worse, how for some reason the purple one always ends up torn by the time he sees it, and he honestly doesn't know what's happening.

"You know, I heard this story once," Buffy begins, but is cut off by Cyrus.

"Buffy, I don't think that a fairy tale's going to help right now," Cyrus says, attempting to force her to understand.

"No, it's not a fairy tale. It was on the news once... A girl was coughing up flowers and blood and then she died. Completely, 100% died. No chance of recovery, they said."

 _Ouch. Blunt, much?_ Cyrus could hear his internal self saying, despite the state of unrest his entire body was now in.

"What do you mean she... died?" he manages after a while.

"I don't... know. Something about a respiratory problem?"

He vaguely recalls this, but he must have forgotten it or dismissed it. It's not like he obsessively watches the news. Cyrus just stares off into the distance, unaware of Buffy calling at him. Was  _he_ going to die? _It only happens to certain blood types_ , he remembers, _AB-negative and B negative._  Is he AB-negative or B negative? _Probably._

"I have to go," Cyrus says abruptly. It's like a shutter came down over his eyes, leaving them blank and empty. Buffy knows a mask when she sees one.

"Are you sure?" Buffy replies cautiously.

"Yes." Short, to the point. He doesn't want to talk.

"Oh, okay," Buffy replies, worry painted on her face, "text me if you need me. And remember, baby taters never hurt no one." She tries for a smile. Cyrus tries back.

-

That night when he gets home, he turns on his computer.

The cursor blinks expectantly at the top of the page at the search bar.

SEARCH: _flowers in mouth_

Scrolling, scrolling, scrolling... nothing.

SEARCH: _throwing up blood_

WebMD has a very convincing case on how he might have a clot in his lungs caused by cancer, but it mentions nothing of the flowers, so he continues.

SEARCH: _throwing up flowers and blood_

The wikipedia article catches his eye.

Wikipedia:

The Hanahaki Disease is an illness generated by unrequited love, where the victim **throws up flower** petals and, eventually, **blood**. The **flowers** can be extracted through surgery, but the feelings of love are removed along with the disease.

SEARCH: _hanahaki disease_

On the right hand side of the page, he sees the Google illness illustration. There's a drawing of a girl in front of a mirror, with blood and petals in the sink. Then, below it, it states, "A rare infection of the lungs. Less than 50,000 cases a year worldwide. Cannot spread through person. Critical case - consult a doctor. Medical care can cure."

So, he is going to die.

While he's still in a state of shock, Cyrus decides to get all the research done at once.

SEARCH: _white flower with a brown stripe in middle of petals_

"Asphodel: a **white flower with a brown stripe in the** center of its 6 **petals**..." - The Good Gardener's Guide

SEARCH:  _flower with purple petals and yellow middle_

"Ambrosia: **purple petals** , **yellow** pistil, this distinct **flower** stands out..." - The Good Gardener's Guide

_Thanks, Good Gardener's Guide._

SEARCH:  _Asphodel flower meaning_

"And while we're on the topic of dreary **flower meanings** , here's **Asphodel** , 'my regrets follow you to the grave...'"

He snorts. It makes sense.

SEARCH:  _Ambrosia flower meaning_

" **Ambrosia means** requited love..."

 _So that's why they're always ripped,_ Cyrus thinks bitterly.  _Real funny._

Pushing the power button, the screen fades from the web page color to blue to grey to black. Sighing, he slumps onto his bed.

Cyrus falls asleep that night with visions of flowers and blood and Jonah's there (who is he kidding, Jonah's  _always_ there), right in the middle of all of it.

-

First blood.

It's been a few months now, a few months of Buffy giving him concerned looks whenever he coughs, and Andi gushing about Jonah and Cyrus feels like he's about to die when he helps Andi plan a date with him.

"But what should I _wear?"_ Andi moans again.

"You'd look good in anything to Jonah," Buffy assures, attempting to calm Andi down. Cyrus tries not to make any notes, but he knows exactly what she should wear.

"Jonah likes blue and yellow," Cyrus hears himself saying.

"What?"

"Jonah's favorite colors are blue and yellow. The blue reminds him of the ocean and yellow reminds him of sunshine. And he'll probably want you to dress casually, it freaks him out sometimes if people dress up to formally to him. It makes him feel like he needs to have dressed more formally and he might spiral. You might also want to wear one of your bracelets, he loves your creativity."

Buffy's shooting him a look that says, "what the hell, Cyrus, what the hell," but Andi doesn't notice.

"Thank you!" she exclaims and dives into her closet again.

Andi comes back out ten minutes later wearing a yellow shirt with blue jeans. Objectively, she looks great.  _Jonah's going to love it._

And then he feels it again, but this time it's worse, like it's going to be a coughing fit instead of just a few coughs.

"Give me a second," he manages, then runs off to the bathroom.

The flowers flow out of his mouth into the toilet. Blood. It's mahogany colored. _It's_ rosewood,  _Cyrus_ _,_ he corrects himself. Purple, yellow, white, and brown fill up the toilet along with the blood. He would even say it looks nice if it wasn't for the never-ending pain in his chest, the crimson color that taints the seat, and, of course, the fact that it's coming out of him. After what seems like hours, Cyrus finally stops. There's someone knocking on the door. Buffy.

"Please just go awa-"

But it's not Buffy, it's the cause of all his recent worries, just there, smiling at him. His eyes are bright, but concern is seeping into them, making them look clouded over.

"Jonah?" he tries hoarsely.

"Cyrus. Buffy called me and told me something was wrong. C'mon."

He grabs Cyrus' arm and drags him towards Andi's bed.

"Cyrus, talk to me. I care about you. What is it?"

That's it, that's the final straw, all the love and compassion just filled in that word regenerates his hopes (a mistake, he knows), and Cyrus just falls over. He starts sobbing into Jonah's shirt. Jonah stiffens, but then embraces him. His hands card through Cyrus' hair.

 _"What's wrong?"_ Jonah whispers,  _"Don't block me out."_

And Cyrus can't tell him. He can't know. So he just continues crying weakly into Jonah's shirt.

"Don't you have a date to go to?" Cyrus asks after a while, staring up at Jonah.

"You're more important."

Cyrus gives a watery laugh. If he was more important, this wouldn't be happening.

He looks at Jonah's shirt. It's his team jersey, and now there's his tear stains everywhere.

"Crap, sorry, Jonah. I ruined your shirt!"

"You're more important," Jonah repeats.

The flowers have stopped for now and Cyrus is content, at least in this moment.

-

In the Andi Shack, Andi coughs. A bright yellow petal falls into her hands, followed by a purple one.

Buffy looks over.

"What's wrong?" she starts, then she spots the flowers in Andi's hand.

_Shit._

_-_

_They're both in love with him,_ Buffy concludes.

She knows the meanings to all of the flowers now. For Cyrus, it's "my regrets follow me to my grave," and "unrequited love." For Andi, it's "you have disappointed me," and "all good things will eventually end."

Quite fitting, really.

She sighs. It's hard to try and keep Cyrus and Andi from falling apart. Andi's not gotten as bad as Cyrus. Buffy doubts she ever will. She suspects that Andi's is a crush and nothing more; that Andi's will fade with time. Hell, it's already gotten better. Andi's done falling. She's gotten back up. But Cyrus, Cyrus has just tripped.

Buffy guesses she's lucky for not getting it, too. For being the only one in the Good Hair Crew who _can't,_ with her A negative blood. She's concluded that Cyrus has AB negative blood and Andi has B negative blood. It's weird. AB negative - least popular blood type. B negative - the second least popular blood type. Only 3% of the world population can get the Hanahaki Disease, anyways.

(She found out their blood types after a sleuthing expedition with Andi and Cyrus reluctantly (but willingly) pricking their fingers.)

If there's one good thing that's come out of this, it's that Cyrus no longer has to hide. She doesn't love him romantically and never will, but she would give all of her friends the sun if she had to. It's like an invisible barrier has just been lifted, bonding them all together. They're stronger.

Buffy sighs. All of the problems of today and tomorrow seem so far in her bed, when she's about to fall asleep. She'll deal with this later.

-

Again.

_Again._

"My first one is yellow. The second one is varying colors."

"Mine are white and purple."

"What does yours mean?"

"Something like, 'many regrets,' and 'requited love'. But get this - the second one is always  _torn."_

"That's depressing. My first one basically means, 'you're a disappointment,' and the second one is 'everything good must come to an end.'"

Silence.

"... Do you ever wonder why Jonah's not getting anything?"

"Maybe it's just his blood type."

"Yeah. Maybe."

-

Jonah was bound to find out somehow.

It's another calm, cool day in spring.

"Hey, Cy-Guy!" Jonah walks over and gives him a high-five.

Cyrus smiles.

"Hey."

"Do you want to get some smoothies at The Spoon with me after practice? You know, as a bro thing."

A  _bro_ thing. That's, like, the middle school equivalent of saying, "No homo." Cyrus can't bring himself to care, although he knows he'll be throwing up flowers for the next week after (it's very easy for them to be triggered now), but this time without anyone to sympathize with him.

(Andi had come to him the other day, telling him the flowers have stopped. She doesn't know if it's her or if it's Jonah.)

"Of course, Jonah."

Jonah grins, but then his phone dings. He looks down at the message, reading it. When he looks back up, it's with an apologetic look on his face.

"Sorry, Cyrus. Andi wants a date night today. Some other time?"

He can feel it burning up his throat again, but it's not like he can help himself this time.

A flower falls out.

Jonah looks up from the flower to Cyrus' face again.

"Cyrus?" His voice is so genuinely tainted with worry and despair.

And then he breaks.

Under the tree at Shadyside Park, Cyrus finally breaks.

Flowers come flowing out of his mouth, blood dripping slowly onto the grass.

Jonah's eyes widen with realization.

"What is it? Who is it? Is - is it Andi?"

He heaves. More blood. How is it that things can change so quickly? A minute ago, he was having a fun conversation with Jonah. Now, he's retching onto dirt.

Soil. Soil is also falling out of his mouth, like someone actually planted a - a  _plant_ in his lungs and yelled, "Suffer!"

Jonah's calling someone.

Buffy's here now. Andi's here now.

"Maybe being near Andi will help?" he can hear Jonah telling Buffy, but _fuck,_ he can barely see anymore. Is this it?

And he can see Jonah kiss Andi's cheek and send her towards Cyrus, but that just makes it worse. He feels like he's hacking his lungs out. He can't  _breathe. Everything's just moving too fast._

_-_

Ten minutes was all it takes. Cyrus dies. It's too late for anyone to help. He'll make county headlines, state headlines, country headlines. Everyone will empathize for the poor boy who lived and died in Shadyside.

But he doesn't.

-

Jonah cries the most during the ride to the ER. People are ushering him off. He doesn't want to go. Why didn't he say anything?

"Don't you dare forget me. I can't lose you too!" Jonah babbles, squeezing Cyrus's hand. The light in his eyes is fading steadily.

Cyrus is going into surgery, they tell him. They're going to remove the disease. He has a 50/50 chance of living.

When he wakes, it's like seeing a new person.

Cyrus stares into Jonah's eyes, but the spark isn't there anymore. He just looks at him blankly.

"Who are you?"

-

Jonah heads home. His best friend can't even  _remember_ him anymore. He can live without Buffy in his life. It would be hard, but he can live without Andi in his life. But Cyrus? Cyrus was  _special_ to him. After a hard week, Cyrus would always be there on the phone to listen to him. Cyrus was everything.

He goes into his bathroom. Dark circles under his eyes. Matted hair. A crinkle in his forehead. He's crying, of course. Did he ever stop, anyways? Jonah coughs. A black rose falls into his hands.  _The symbol of death._

It's only fitting for it to happen to him, too.


	2. a new face in the crowd feels like home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonah doesn't remember much, and he especially doesn't remember about why he's in the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back, y'all! i lost all motivation for anything, ever, so i decided to make a short sequel of and i'll spit fire. context: jonah got his flowers removed and no longer knows cyrus. cyrus has transferred out, and since so many of his memories with jonah include buffy and andi, they were only friendly from what cyrus knows. warning: this is very messy and written on a whim. i am my own editor, so the grammar may be bad.

 

"Do you need water? Are you feeling okay? Are you dizzy?"

Questions rain down on Jonah, one after one.

"I'm not thirsty. I'm fine. I'm not dizzy."

Buffy gives him a worried look.

"Seriously. I just want to go home."

She remains unconvinced.

"Okay... If you need anything, just ask me."

Jonah barely remembers the contents of what happened anyway, of why he's leaving the hospital, of why he's even in the hospital in the first place.

"Actually..." Buffy turns around and looks at him expectantly. "Why am I here? At the hospital, I mean."

Suddenly, she stiffens. Andi, next to her, also spins around.

"You... were in a car accident. You may not remember it." Buffy chooses her words deliberately, says them slowly.

"You're right... I guess I don't remember it." Jonah scans the room once again, looks at the blank spot next to Buffy and Andi. His eyes keep coming back to that spot, and he doesn't know why. "I feel like something's missing."

At this, alarm paints Andi's face.

"O-oh, you're just tired... After all, who, what would you be missing?" Andi gives a nervous laugh.

Jonah exhaled deeply. She was always the bad liar out of the two, but at least she wasn't worse than... than who? He shook his head, as if to clear his thoughts, and ran a hand down his face.

"Yeah, that's probably it. We can go now."

Buffy and Andi nod in unison hurriedly.

-

Something feels off. Everything's fine... Except it's not. Even the infamous Good Hair Crew's movie nights feel weird.

"Can I go to the bathroom?"

Andi nods, distracted and clearly on the verge of falling asleep.

"Just be back soon, you don't want to miss the climax of the movie."

Jonah frowns.

"I though you said you didn't watch this with Buffy or me before?"

"Well, no, I watched it with..."

Andi jolts. She suddenly looks more awake. From behind Jonah, Buffy shoots a deadly glare.

"Gus! I watched it with Gus."

"Okay," Jonah says, shrugs, gives Andi a suspicious glance, and heads off.

Things like this keep happening. Andi will bring up something, someone, but then she'll think better of it and stop herself. Buffy also slips up, although not as often. It drives him insane. He thinks it has something to do with that time he got in a car accident two months ago, but he doesn't know why or what.

Jonah comes back to Andi already back to her state of almost-but-not-quite-asleep, drifting off but jerking her head back up at the last second.

"If you're that tired, then let's just sleep. This is the fourth movie, anyway."

Andi nods drowsily and beckons him to the guest room, then bringing Buffy to the second guest room. Jonah sinks into the cushioned bed and falls asleep almost immediately, the warm pillows swaddling him in their embrace. In minutes, he's already entered that state of tired in which all rational thoughts leave him. That night, he has a fitful sleep.

_"Jonah..."_

_He's standing in an abyss. There's a shadowy figure in the corner of the room, walking towards him._

_"Do you remember me?"_

_The boy's voice sends jolts down Jonah's spine, and he looks around warily._

_"Who are you?"_

_The mass that is the boy's face contorts a little._

_"Don't you remember me?"_

_A memory rises from the back of his mind. He's saying something to someone, he's not sure who._

"Don't you dare forget me."

_"I remember you. Or at least I do, right now," the boy continues. "I won't later. I suspect that right now, my consciousness is having the same dream. Anyway, I_ _'m_ _someone you should have met. Someone you did. Someone you forgot. Someone you left behind."_

_Jonah feels guilty, but he doesn't even know why._

_"Can you tell me my name?"_

_He shakes his head._

_"I'm sorry, I don't know your name."_

_"Oh."_

_The stranger sounds strangely crestfallen, and he takes a step closer to the light in the middle of the dream._

_"Maybe this will help you remember?" The light shines down on the boy, illuminating what was once a shadow._

_Jonah's seeing the remnant of a face. A bright smile, chestnut brown hair. But... his eyes are missing._

_The boy waves his hand in front of his own face, and for a second, Jonah sees his eyes._ Beautiful.

_"Sorry about this. But do you remember my name now?"_

_"N-no. I don't know you."_

_The stranger shrugs sadly._

_"It was worth a try. You really don't remember me, though."_

_Out of nowhere, he beings crumbling, like a stone statue._

_"I guess our time is up."_

_"Wait! I still have so much to ask you!"  
_

_The boy has no response for him._

_"I still have to talk to you!_ _I-I still have to talk to you,_ Cyrus! _"_

Jonah awakes in a cold sweat. The sun has begun to peek out of the horizon.

He taps into his memories, but they're already fading.  _A boy. Shadows. Eyes. A name. Someone I forgot. Someone I should know. Who is it? Who is it?_

Jonah stretches, refusing to dedicate any more of his time to think about what just happened.

By the time he enters the living room, he doesn't even remember that he had a dream in the first place.

-

Sometimes, Jonah will walk by when it's just Buffy and Andi. They'll both be crying, muttering something about  _why'd he have to go, where is he now._ Jonah, clearly, has no idea who they're talking about, but what he does know is that it's none of his business.

He stays out of it, and Buffy and Andi try to forget, too.

 

**6 YEARS LATER**

 

"Stay in touch, Andi! You have to! You too, Buffy!"

He's screaming his goodbyes to them, suitcases in his arms and tears in his eyes. Andi is openly crying, and Buffy is blinking back tears.

"We will!" They yell, waving furiously. "We won't forget you!" At that, Jonah has a flicker of memory, but it's gone as quickly as it came, leaving him slightly bewildered before returning to screeching at his friends.

"I'll see you guys soon!"

As soon as he gets into the building, he practically collapses.

"Why's it so big?'

"Do you need help?"

Jonah looks next to him and sees a man who's about the same age as him, maybe younger. He has kind, warm eyes and a cute smile. His mop of brown hair sits on his head in a familiar fashion. He feels a twinge in his heart, and the man's brows furrow in confusion when they meet eyes. Somehow, Jonah thinks he knows him.

"Oh, I'm good."

"Are you sure? You sound kind of lost."

"No, really, I'm okay."

The stranger gives him a disbelieving look, handing him a map pamphlet. After opening it, Jonah's eyes almost pop out of his head.

"There are  _five subsections in each dorm?"_

The helper shrugs.

"What can I say? This is a pretty large college."

Jonah just continues staring at the list.

"I thought the other number on my dorm assignment was just a typo..."

The man smiles again.

"Thankfully, you're not entirely hopeless! Because you have me!"

"Please help me," Jonah says, pouting just a tiny bit. He looks to meet eyes with him again, and Jonah's hit with this wave of nostalgia.

"Of course," the stranger says after a short silence, seemingly feeling the same thing Jonah has been.

"By the way, what's your name?"

"Jonah Beck. What's yours?"

The man's face loses a little of its color, and the light in his eyes falter a little. A spark of recognition.

"I'm Cyrus Goodman."

**Author's Note:**

> did u enjoy


End file.
